#187: How Stress Affects Your Weight & Well-being

Stress is often the hidden force sabotaging your weight loss journey. In this episode, we dive deep into how chronic stress impacts your body, particularly its role in stubborn belly fat and hormonal imbalances. I share my personal struggles with stress, the pivotal moment that made me realise its effects, and the actionable steps I took to regain control. 

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Transcript

#187: How Stress Affects Your Weight & Well-being

[00:00:00] Stress is probably one of the most, uh, underestimated factors that affects your weight loss. It's something that's, uh, under considered a lot. And I really believe that stress plays more of a havoc on your body than what people even, even give it the time for. These things are not easy. You know, we, we may have had habits for 20, 30, 40 odd plus years.

We, we've got to start recognizing them and working on them. So we're not going to be getting, you know, some people might recognize things straight away. Others might. So remember it takes, it takes time. So stress, stress really does play, play havoc on your body, and, um, it is something that with women, stress tends to hold weight around your belly.

Okay, so we've got the, the cortisol, uh, rising, and you'll notice that if you find that you've got this. This weight around your belly and you can't kind of get rid of it. A lot of it can be to do with stress. You are, you are eating well and you're [00:01:00] exercising. You're like, why is this not shifting? A lot of it can do with stress and I really, really feel that stress is a silent killer.

Uh, stress is something that I have. I had to spend a lot of time working on, and I am still learning how to manage it. I'm still really learning how to manage it, but I'm a lot better than what I was a couple of years ago. In my story, I remember my mum saying to me, Oh Renee, your life is so stressful. And I was like, What is she talking about?

Like, it's just my life. When she said that, this one time it just obviously set off a, a, um, a light bulb. And I, and I started to think maybe, maybe things are stressful, but it was, it was, you become, you just start living your life and you don't, you don't recognize that, that you are that stress and stress, uh, carries in your body in different ways.

And, um, I truly believe that, uh, your, your, Your [00:02:00] body is your best teacher and it really does teach you, uh, and it will show in your body. So being a personal trainer in lots of clients, I've found they might, stress might come in their neck. So I kind of find the neck, uh, the back are two really obvious, uh, hips.

The two really obvious of where people tend to hold their stresses. So some people, they, you know, like, and if you have something that kind of flares up all the time, I want you to start to become aware, is it flaring up, um, because you're feeling stressed because a lot of people are that, that is the case.

Yeah. So, uh, so yeah, so I find it shows, shows a different body. Sorry. So going back onto my story, so my mom had said. She'd said to me, I was talking about something and, and, you know, and I hadn't noticed that my life had got stressful. I, you know, in this, in this era, uh, you know, we want to do a lot and achieve lots of things, you know, back in my grandparents era, you know, the, the, uh, [00:03:00] you know, typically the female stayed at home and looked after the house and the male.

Uh, tended to go to work, you know, look after the house and the children and all of that. Well, this era now, uh, you know, we females are trying to do it all as well as look after the family and, and have our own careers and do this and do that. And so, so life can, can be stressful and, but it's understanding that stress doesn't have to be.

a big, crazy, uh, event, you know, that, that just little stresses can add up and take its toll on you over time. So for me, I got to this position where I had gained weight. And I was over, and I was, uh, not comfortable with the way I was at. It was all around my belly, all around my belly. And I was like, what is going on?

Did all the things that I know, you know, but, but nothing was shifting. And been to doctors and naturopaths and, uh, you know, got, got opinions and seen. And, you know, looked at my [00:04:00] blood's right, is this, you know. And, and most of it was stress. So I've had to learn different, and it's been, it's been a long, it's been a long road.

And a long road of an awareness, and a long road of realising, that you know, so then, of different trial and errors. So I realised I had this weight on me, that had just somehow crept up overnight. Like I, I remember one day, not thinking everything, and then looking in my, the mirror, and being like, I've got a belly.

Like where did that come from? And. You know, totally am I bloated? Like what? You know, and, and obviously as a trainer, you feel like there's an image you should be portraying. And, uh, you know, so then I thought, okay, like, you know, I, I constantly suffer from low wine. So I, I, Thought is my iron low, you know, and I also, on top of everything else, I was just exhausted.

I was exhausted. I was burnt out and I was waking up still feeling tired, even though I was going to bed, even though I was going to bed [00:05:00] on early, you know, getting my correct hours. And, you know, my food was not perfect because. So, um, I mean, I was just I was not perfect, you know, but it was, it was pretty good.

So I was like, I just could not. And my period started really playing up as well. So my period started really is where I'm someone that doesn't get period pain, but I started getting really severe period symptoms. and then I started noticing that I was I was like around getting my period, I was becoming like a, you know, angry, hormonal person, which again is not usual for me.

So, so I went on this, you know, the first thing I did was after, you know, I'd went to doctors and got opinions and, you know, because, you know, but I started thinking about, okay, Um, you know, and after hearing my mom saying, hey, your life, it's so stressful. I was like, there's things in my life that I can't change, you know, or I don't want to change, you know.

And I had to, I had to really start to do the work on me. And, uh, this, [00:06:00] this is a lot of the stuff that in this program is what I had to do to kind of come around this. I had to do the work on me. to work it out and to help me work through it. So the first thing I did is I thought, okay, I need to think about what's, what's stressing me out.

So I created a list. So I, uh, wrote down the list of the things that were stressing me. And then next to them, I had to start thinking, what, what was in my control and what was, wasn't, and the things that were in my control, how could I work around it? So what could I change? So some of the biggest things I recognize is.

I am, I want to, I'm a people pleaser, so I want to make everybody happy. And I always say yes to everything. So I was always saying yes to things. Uh, yes, I'll do this. Yes, I'll fit you in. Um, and I was really, I was really fitting in, um, different clients and different things all around what suited them instead of what suited me.

And I was putting myself under more stress by trying to fit people in. And, and so, so that was one thing [00:07:00] and I was fitting people in. Too tired of a schedule. So I wasn't giving myself enough time between or I was like Having to be from one place to another like one One client I go to train her in the house.

She's the only person I train in the house and I Find it really stressful. I was I gave myself 15 minutes to get from one place to the other. It's just over 10 minute drive. So that means I've got to finish a class, which I never finished exactly on time. I've got to finish the class, say goodbye to everybody, turn off the lights, get in the car, drive on a perfect day.

So I gave myself not enough time at all. And I found that, I found that really, really stressful because I was always like, come on, you know? So I had to really look at my times because that was something that I found that Uh, was, was causing me a lot of stress, but I had control over that. I had control over, um, the timings and now, um, now I only go to, I was [00:08:00] going to her place three times a week.

Uh, she comes to me once and I go to her once. So I eliminated those stress. My gran was living at my parents and, uh, I wanted to go to try to see her as regularly as I could. They live, uh, 25 minutes away, so you've got to get there, spend the time and come back home. And again, I was cutting my timing too, too fine.

But then I was beating myself up with guilt if I couldn't go and see her. So, um, You know, I had to, I had to kind of work through that. So I had to be like, I, I, I can't, I have to say I can't get there as, as often as I can. I had to let myself off the hook for those types of things, or I had to really make sure with my timing.

So what I would be doing is I would try to. Connected to the school run and then my son is really anxious. Um, he's, is really anxious and he is getting better, but, um, if you weren't waiting in [00:09:00] a certain spot at school pickup and if you were like a minute late, he And I never have been, but it's something that he panicked about every day.

So every morning he'd be like, mum, can you make sure you're waiting in that spot? And that stuff caused me a lot of stress because I didn't want to let him down. I didn't want to hurt his, I didn't want to, and I didn't, and because of how I know he acts. if we're not there because out of school, things that have happened, uh, he gets, he gets really, really upset.

And, and, um, and I, I didn't, I, so I was putting myself under all this pressure and I was constant, constant stress. So I, I had to, I had to look at, um, I had to look at my timings and, and change those things. So that's some of the things that I looked at changing. They were the things I had control over. Um, you know, I had control over them and I had to, Um, I, I, I could, I could make those changes and that's why writing the list is, is one of the best things that you [00:10:00] can do.

Um, I then also, uh, there was other things that was causing me, uh, stress that, you know, there was, there was some things that I had to realize and it took me a long time to realize that is you can't, you can only work on you. So I realized I was really stressed. I realized I was really stressed, but I was waiting or praying for, for, it was with my husband.

Um, I was waiting and waiting for him to change and I was expecting like for him to get better or for him not to be well or for him to be well and everything will be better when he would be well. And I caught myself kind of doing that. And this was a big. Eye opener for me is when I'd obviously been telling myself this story for a while.

It will all be better when he's better, blah, blah, blah. And I had this realisation, I can't keep waiting. I can't keep waiting for him to get better. I can only work on me. [00:11:00] So I have to do the work for, on me. I can't wait for somebody else. You can't, you can't rely on anyone else. I can only, I can only rely on me.

So from, from this day that I kind of had this realisation was when I was like, I'm putting all my eggs for someone else to make this change and, and it's unfair on them and maybe he doesn't want to change. So I had to, uh, work on myself, uh, work on, um, work on me, work on, and, and through, through time and, uh, you know, through different type of therapies that I did, I was able to become more confident in, uh, what my beliefs, my values, uh, what I really wanted.

And, and be clear with that and, um, you know, and understand myself more, which is what I want all of you to get out of this program because, because we all do different things for different reasons. But for me, for a long time, I'm people pleaser, you know, and I was [00:12:00] doing things to make everybody else happy and putting myself last.

I was too scared to stand up for myself and do what I wanted. And when I actually started doing that, you know, I, I was happier. Our relationships were happier and the things that I feared would happen by doing it didn't happen, you know, which was silly. Um, you know, and, and it was. It's silly things by even things like saying exercise is a big part of my life.

It's something that, um, is really important to me, but sometimes I, and my husband doesn't quite feel that way, but sometimes I struggled to, I would be like, because I spent all the time, all my morning training other people, I would be like, I felt bad or I felt like I couldn't say. Oh, I want to, um, I want to go and do something for myself now.

So, so I, so then I wouldn't, but then in the end I wasn't helping myself. So, so I've [00:13:00] now learned, I've learned ways to be able to fill my own, to make sure my cup is full and I'm doing those things that, that I need. And he understands. And, and he, he didn't know because I didn't explain it to him. I didn't really know myself.

I didn't have that awareness. And I was doing so much for everyone else. And my personality is, you'll be okay. Just that's fine. Make sure they're okay. Do this. I was doing all of these things and I was, I made myself really stressed and really, really unhappy. And, uh, so, so these were the things that I had control over.

So these are the things that I had control over and I could. I could change. I couldn't change. I couldn't change how my husband was. I could change how I react to him. I can change how we interact. I can change those things, but I can't change how he acts. Uh, things with my son, with his anxiety. His [00:14:00] anxiety is, um, it is getting better.

But it is, it takes a huge toll on our, on our lives. Nippus is like a big, big, big thing. Nippus I'm just giving you examples of my life because if you can understand what happens in my life, it might help you relate something to your own. But with Cooper with nippers, he has this fear of, um, he has a fear that will go away, that we won't be there because one day we were at nippers and we were, we had the cart with us because Charlie was in the car and there's the hard sand.

So nippers is surf life saving on the beach. And, um, Um, I feel it's really important, me and my husband both feel it's really important, we live 10 minutes from the beach, um, you know, the kids are going to grow up on the beach, they have to understand the surf and all of those things, so it's something that's really important to us.

But, uh, so this one day we were, we were walking and they decided to do a tour and, um, we were at [00:15:00] the, uh, they were on the soft sand, it was too hard for the cart, so we were in the hard sand and he couldn't see us. And he thought we'd left him and he, he got really upset. And so from then on, he's held onto that thought or that memory that that would happen all the time.

So during, so when, whenever we went to nippers and the thing is he. first joined to Nippus because he wanted to become a lifeguard. So he really loves it once he's there. And so then we were, um, so every week at this time, my husband worked on a Sunday. So, so like last year or the year before, you know, so the last couple of years, my husband, he's worked on a Sunday.

So Nippus is, I'd have to do my own. So juggling the Nippus, um, is. You, I want to, so Cooper, with Cooper, I have to stand where he can see me at all times. So when he's in the water, he wants to be able to see me because he panics that I'll be gone. And do you know what? The easy thing would be not to go. The easy thing would be not to go, but that's not teaching him [00:16:00] anything else and it's not going to make his anxiety better.

So it's freaking hard. So I'd stand on the beach, stand where he is. At the same time, Charlie's there, she wants to play in the water, she wants to do this. And, and when they do nippers, they do these activities and they move around. So every time I had to move around, I had to stand at a certain point so he could see me.

So it was really, really stressful. And then he also changed his, um, an his anxiety onto Charlie. So where would she, where is she, what is she doing? And, and so for the whole hour you're, or two hours, you're kind of on edge. Because I, something I just, I knew he loved and I knew this is something we've gotta work through, and I didn't wanna give up on it.

And I was always questioning myself. Where is a line, where is a line of when I give up or I keep going? I, I don't know. I don't know. And I, I still don't know. And that was my, every week, that was twice a week. And you know, and then again, it took, um. You know, like I said, my husband worked on Sundays, so, you know, and it, it had got worse and worse and worse.

And I think again, you [00:17:00] just start living with it and you don't recognize how bad it gets until somebody from the outside comes in. So he had came to one of the training sessions and he was like, that was one of the most stressful hours. And I said to him, this is my life. I've done this for two years, like twice, twice a week.

And, and it's hard. And, um, and so, you know, so we had to start to learn different strategies. to, to help him cope and to help us cope. But that was something that again was taking, you know, and so presents its ways in, in different ways. And I don't, I, I struggled to, to think that I was stressed because I don't have, I don't have a sick child.

I don't have, um, a disability. I don't have, uh, I haven't been abused. I, I haven't been, um, you know, I, I don't have, I don't have obvious traumas. I haven't had people [00:18:00] die. I haven't had, you know, like some, some really, I didn't have a car accident. I, so, so I struggled to think, I struggled to think that, that I could really feel stressed, you know, or I could, or that stress was, you know, because, because I didn't have obvious stresses when, you know, I know women that, um, you know, women that have this and that, and I'm like, Oh my God, how do you cope?

You know, but so, so I struggled to understand. And this is what I, I feel a lot of women have the same issues that, that they have their stresses, but your everyday things in your life missing, uh, you know, running late for the school run is stressful. If you have a stress in your work or the stress, you know, of getting a Getting something done by a certain time, you know, all of those things are stresses that take a toll on your body.

And what I was saying is with, with my, these are my examples of stresses that I realized I had and that I'd got so [00:19:00] used to, I was just living with it. And they'd kind of taken over a lot of my life and were making me unhappy. And I had to work out how. With Cooper with nippers this year is I'm not sure what we're going to do.

So I'm not sure whether to, we have, he goes to therapy, he goes to a psychologist and we have worked out that it's the crowds from nippers. I am wondering this year if um, cause Charlie really wants to do nippers. Um, this year I'm wondering whether we join him up to surfing lessons and he does surfing.

Uh, so, or, or he, he sticks with, with that. The hardest thing is seeing that he like, like I've photos of him and he's got this big smile on his face and he loves it and he loves when he gets the board in. And so I'm not sure. So that's, that's where we're at with Vance, but I'm just saying that, um, Cos Nippers only runs for six odd months of the year, so.

That, uh, that, these things take their toll. They really do take their toll. And what I want you [00:20:00] to, uh, what I really want you to start learning is how, how this takes its toll on your body. And there are things that you can control and things you can't control. And, um, we are, we, that's what we're going to start looking at first.

And the things that you can control, you can do something about. And you can make changes to that. So I, you know, like, as I said before, getting to school was a stressor. And, uh, it was always a stressor and, you know, I realised I was cutting things too fine and trying to please everybody and I had to really stop and think and as as time's gone on I've got a lot better at stopping and thinking.

But when, when traffic is, you know, like you might be taking kids to school and the traffic is and you're going to be late and I've just had to go, I can't do anything about this. I can't change the traffic. I can't change that I'm stuck in the traffic. Just is what it is. And so I've kind of, you know, like I can talk to myself and calm myself down.

The other day [00:21:00] just going, um, You know, the other day, just going to, coming back from school, I had a class at nine o'clock and there was an accident. And just getting from school to my house, there is like, you've got to, my kids school, there's three other schools you've got to, so you've got to kind of go through.

So there's always a lot of traffic and sometimes when there's an accident on the motorway it just banks everything up and the school was actually seven minutes from my house but as soon as I turned off from the school area onto the motorway it was gridlock and I thought half an hour would be okay.

It took me half an hour to get home and all I did was I didn't stress about it because I and but prior to doing the work understanding myself and really working on myself and and how I would have been really stressing. I just thought, who can I message who have a phone message them because there's nothing I could do about it.

And so it's really thinking, can I, if it's something that you can't control, you can't do anything about it. You have to [00:22:00] just, you have to, uh, just let it go and just go with it. And the more that you're holding onto it, getting angry or annoyed, you know, it's, it's just, it's just eating away at you more than anything.

And so, so, you know, I just messaged a couple of people. members that I knew were coming. Um, and I said to them and they were like, no worries, you know, cause I knew that they'd be able to tell other people. And I got back to nine, I got back just at nine. So this is the start of our stress of working on our stress.

And like I said, it is not, and it's, um, it's not something that you're going to fix straight away, but awareness is the key. So once we start becoming aware, so your first task is to write a list. What are the things that stress you? And please. No matter how tiny they are, write them down. Do you know what used to stress me?

Something else, sorry. Uh, that used to stress me was dirty dishes. Yep. Dirty dishes. So I realized that that was something that was stressing me out. So I then, uh, instead of leaving the, you know, I made the effort to even if I was feeling tired, like just do the dishes. [00:23:00] Because, um, if you leave into the morning, you feel crappier and more stressed out, so don't do it.

So, no matter how little, the, the thing is, write it down, and then, then in the next column, is it something you can control, something you can't control? If it's something you can't control, then you can't change that. So let's not keep stressing about it, okay? Let's look at letting that go, but let's look at fixing the thing.

you have control over. And then let's start to look at some strategies of what you could put in. And maybe you have to trial and error things, which is exactly what I did. Some things. Yep. I tried this. No, that didn't work. It's okay. I'll try something else. I'll keep, I'll keep trying things. And like I said, it's, it's a process.

It's a big process, but, um, but yeah, let's start getting those lists done as your first task. And I really excited to see.