#193: The Silent Killer: How Stress Creeps In & What To Do About It

Are you unknowingly living in a constant state of stress? In this eye-opening episode, we dive deep into how stress affects our health, relationships, weight, sleep, and overall quality of life. 

I call stress the silent killer for a reason—it becomes so normal, we don’t even notice it’s controlling us. I’ll share personal stories, surprising symptoms, and simple, practical ways to manage stress before it takes a bigger toll. Whether it's gut issues, weight gain, irritability, or sleep struggles, you might find that stress is the missing piece of the puzzle.

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Transcript

#193: The Silent Killer: How Stress Creeps In & What To Do About It


[00:00:00] You know, we all make choices that way for to manage stress in life. And this is something that I hope that you are going to start become more aware of your own stresses and, uh, how you can manage it differently or maybe a bit better for you. I call stress the silent killer. And, um, I think a lot of us are under a lot of stress and don't really realize we are, we're under more stress than we realize and people, you maybe live in this.
Stress state all the time that you don't realize that, that you are stressed because it has just become so normal to you and it really plays havoc on your body. And it, it shows up in different ways. And you know, I know lots of women really hate that. You know, they feel like they have that weight around their stomach, and I feel like stress goes straight there.
And when you're really stressed and you feel like I'm eating my food right, and I'm doing this and you're doing all the right things. But if you, if we're. Constantly living in that fight or [00:01:00] flight. I believe it really, really will sit there on your tummy. So, you know, stress is a, um, you know, it, it is something that's gonna hold us back, but it is part of life and there's some stresses that are actually good for us.
So, you know, exercise is a stressor. Those things and, and that stuff is beneficial for you. Um, but not flogging yourself, none thing like that, but realizing that. Um, you know, there are some stresses that are okay for you that maybe challenge you a bit more when there's other stresses that we really don't need and they aren't good for us and they are playing, playing, end up playing kind of havoc on your body.
Now we are, culturally we tend to be this kind of a lot more stressed, uh. Apparently than any other years previously, whether because of taking on too much or any of those things, or people, especially women, tend to have that, [00:02:00] um, tendency to feel like they need to live this perfect life or they need to do everything and all of those things.
And I think it's really something to become aware of. I probably first really became aware of stress. I wish I knew back then what I know now. My dad had a business and the business was being liquidated and that was a very stressful time. But during that time, you know, when my dad was really stressed, he wasn't sleeping at night.
He, you know, like if he fell asleep on the couch at um, say five o'clock in the afternoon, you would just leave him because you knew not to wake him up because he was up all night. And I wish, I wish. I, I wish I knew then what I knew now. 'cause that was all stress. That was like, it was just like, oh yeah, that's what dad does.
But I didn't really understand my dad. That was stress for him. And at the same time, my dad did have cancer and um, I. You know, that cancer had grown so rapidly during that time. It is something that he had kept at bay. And then when, during [00:03:00] this period of time where he was liquidating the business and, you know, like he wanted to keep staff on, but he had to get rid of staff and all of that other stuff, it, it, it did really go rapidly, grow rapidly.
And, um, he obviously got it removed and he's all fine. But that was kind of my first eyeopener to what, to, to understanding. Oh, there, you know, there is different stresses in how it, how it can really affect your body and I really believe that, that there is, there is it. I believe that when we have things like that, your body is your best teacher and it really shows you how, um.
Your body's like telling you kind of what it needs and you know, so there are some tell time sounds. If you are somebody that is quite stressed to be aware that you are stressed, but then you can do things about it. It is not a flick of the switch because it might be years that you of pent up stuff, but it's also, um, looking at how you manage it now.
Things in life are [00:04:00] stressful. There are things, and I'm a really, really big believer in always writing down, kind of writing down or thinking out loud, what can I control and what can I not control? And if I'm really stressing about the things that are out of my control, then I've gotta try to let it go because it's holding, it's holding me back, and it's really playing havoc on my body.
And you know, like you, when, when we are in this. Stress state. It affects our sleep. It affects what we eat because we're gonna be looking more for that comfort type food, um, affects my mood massively. And then that in turn affects my relationship with my husband because maybe I'm more snappy with him or affects my relationship with my kids because I'm, again, snapping at them or don't have the patience that I should have with them.
So, you know, but if I'm stressing about the things. S that's totally outta my control. I can't change it, so I really need to learn to let go of it. And that is definitely something that I have worked out through the last few years, and I've really, um, I, I don't really stress about a lot of that [00:05:00] stuff, uh, anymore.
But, um, you know, there are other stresses, but there are some stresses. And, and again, it's, it's, you choose how you, how you want to deal with it, you know, like, so. Getting in the car. So, so lots of times you'll say to people, I'll say to people, oh, do you think you're stressed? And they'll be like, I'm not stressed at all.
I remember one girl and uh, she used to come to the classes and I'd say to her, she was doing one-on-one training as well. And I was like, to her, are you stressed? And I knew she, I. I knew her lifestyle and I thought her lifestyle is really stressy. I would feel super stressed. I felt stressed when she came to see me, if she had to bring her kids with her.
Like, you know, that there was different, um, things with the kids that were quite stressful and she was like, no, I'm not really stressed, you know, and I said to her because her weight was kind of stuck, and I said to her. You gotta like, are you sure you're not stressed? Because if I was living with the things that's going on in your life, I would be pretty stressed too.
And she kind of went and [00:06:00] thought about it and, and she realized that she just was in this such stress state that she didn't know. She didn't know any different and she actually was really highly stressed. And that was probably the thing that was really was holding her back. So when we feel stress, your body is thinking.
So in the like olden days, caveman days, I guess that when we were feeling stressed it was because, and your body had to respond. So we had to run away from the tiger. But what's happening now, so when it does that it, your body will release. Cortisol, so it's gonna re release the cortisol to help you run, and you're gonna give you that adrenaline rush to run away from the tiger.
But in life, we don't need to run away from the tiger every day. But we feel that way. But we, but our brain is telling us that we are in this stress state all the time. So it feels like we are needing to wear an edge and that we need to run away because we need to save ourselves, but we actually don't.
But that feeling. Um, has become [00:07:00] so normal to us that, um, you know, sometimes if you feel like you can't lose weight or any of those things that you know it, it's because we are in this constant stressed stress state and your body is telling you that you need to run away from the tiger that we're in danger.
All the time when you're actually not in danger at all. But the more that you can, uh, start to become aware that we are, um, we, the more that we can realize that we are in this stress state, you can, um, start to get, to get on top of it. So there are some other signs. If you're thinking, Renee, I think I am stressed.
Being stressed doesn't have to be. Tearing out your hair all the time. It doesn't have to be, you know, a horrible thing all the time. Being stressed. It can be subtle things, so there are things that are stressful and how you respond. So being stuck in traffic. Uh, being running late for school, you know, um, running late for an [00:08:00] appointment, uh, having to run.
So I remember another time my dad had went for an appointment at the doctor's in Brisbane. Now he got lost. Um, he took the wrong turn, got lost, had to get a car park, 'cause late for the appointment and had to get upstairs. And he got there and his blood pressure was through the roof. And the doctors were like, oh, you need to go on blood pressure medication, blah.
And my dad was like. No, you know, I've just got stuck in traffic. I took the wrong turn. I had to blah, blah, blah, blah. So he was like, so he knew that's why his blood pressure was higher than normal. So, so like there's things like that in everyday life, which is a stress and that can put havoc on our body, but you can choose how you respond.
And this is something that I have definitely learned to, to manage, you know, like. Like sometimes I, if I'm, if I maybe am a little bit late for the school run and I'm like, oh, I'm really late. You know, woo quick, and, and then I start to stop. Slow down, Renee. Slow down. You can't do anything about it. And I, and I've tried to calm [00:09:00] myself down in that, in that state, so sometimes it's becoming aware.
Of these things and how they might really be playing havoc on, on your body and on you. Uh, there are are some other real tell taste tail signs that your body may be, um, may be stressed and you might be living in this more stressed state. So, um, tooth or jaw pain can be a sign. So we might be tending to grit your teeth or grind your teeth.
Um, you know, it is. Something that we can do maybe when we are sleeping or when you're in a, you don't realize you're doing it, uh, that kind of clenching and all of that. And it can, it can lead to serious back if you are feeling like that. That is something that was bothering me. I went to the naturopath last year and I had my bloods taken and she was like, your stress is through the roof.
And I really thought I was on top of my stress and uh, I clearly [00:10:00] wasn't and I really thought I was on top of it. And, um, it was a real eye-opener to be like, when did my, you know, like I realized I was living in this stress state and things had become. So normal that I, for, I'd forgotten that I could feel different.
And, and, you know, I didn't think I was stressed because I thought I, I understand stress, you know, I tell everybody, watch their own stress, but I was actually stressed myself. So I really had to work really hard on, uh, making changes to try to de-stress myself. And I did that, um, through. The guided meditations.
And, uh, I did it through that and through Beco really becoming aware and deep breathing, just telling myself, you know, like, uh, you know, I, I worry a lot about, um, you know, my son. He worried if I'm not at school at time, when all those other things. So I was like, right, that's something that stresses me out because I don't wanna [00:11:00] upset him.
I don't wanna miss him. So I had to work out how to really manage that better. I realized that, uh, when I was feeling stressed, I realized that I don't give, I want to help everybody and I wanna do this, but I don't give myself enough time. So lots of times I'm cutting myself short and, you know, um, I'm cutting myself.
Too short on time and, um, I'm getting a lot better at kind of saying no to things and ma making sure that I'm leaving enough time between appointments or between clients and, and things like that. I find, um, I've got somebody that I train in her house and I find getting to her house. I'm always stressing 'cause I'm always running late.
Um, you know, so I'm, I become aware of those things and then I've really tried to manage my time better, uh, say no to more things and really choose the things that are gonna work best for my help. And, um, this is why I'm asking you to start to become aware of what some of your stresses are [00:12:00] and what are the things that are in your control that you can kind of take charge of and, um, you know, say, well, so mine was, was booking people too close.
That's my fault. I was doing that. So booking people too close together. So, you know, giving myself more of a gap between people because I like to chat and I wanna make sure that we can chat about the things. That, you know, uh, sometimes my stress was communication with my husband because I wasn't being clear enough with him.
And, you know, I've, I've learned, which would then make him frustrated and annoyed because I hadn't told him exactly, or I hadn't, you know, I told him I was doing something and I actually did the opposite or something. Something like that. So having better communication as taking stresses away. So it's really starting, it's really.
For you to become aware of some things that may cause stress in your life, but I really, really believe that your body will show you, um, your body will really show, will come out in different ways and you know, if it. There's tell, there's kind of some telltale signs [00:13:00] that you might be like, actually I think, you know, maybe this is some of me, some other things.
So I talked about your, uh, jaw tooth pain. So another thing is if your memory's really shot. So if you find like, you know, you've got so many things on your missing appointments or you're missing things, which this was one of mine, um, you know, it's. If we've got too many things going on, that's obviously a sign that you're stressed and then you're starting to forget things.
The same as like, I go to do something and then I forget it, and whatever else. You know, I'm all of those things. That's a, a sign of stress if your period is not regular. So if your period's regular, that's how, it's another way that your body is trying to tell you that there is something, um, you know, that is responding to the stress.
And, uh, you know, it's, it's another sign that it's saying to you, uh, you know, slow, slow down and, uh, look after your body. Digestive issues is a big one. So, you know, stress place havoc on your gut. And they say, our gut is like our second, our brain. So if you are somebody that [00:14:00] you might notice that you can't go to the toilet, um, you know, and.
They say that your stomach and your brain are connected and having gut issues going, not being able to go to the toilet, having heartburn, diarrhea, all of those things can be signs of stress. And you know, it's your body telling you that, you know, this is something to become aware of that, uh, that it's not liking the state that you're in, but you can do something about it.
If another sign is, if your muscles are like, if you're really sore or tense all the time. So I tend to find with a lot of people that like say people might hold their stress in their shoulders, so they're like this and they're in that tense kind of state, so they hold the stress in the shoulders and that when they're holding it.
In there, you know, like if you have anything that happens, it goes, you go straight to there and um, if you get an injury, it goes there, or the lower back I find that's another one. So if you kind of have an area that kind of is sore all the time, you know, I find that your body does respond in saying, [00:15:00] Hey, I'm get gonna give you pain in here because where just that stressed and tense all the time.
If you're sleeping too much or you are not sleeping, uh, or you're the opposite, not sleeping at all, that can be another sign of stress. And, um, you know, at the. Sleep is everything. And I know from just having a few rough nights last week of, um, how much sleep makes such a difference to your day. Your bo you know, and everything.
And if you are stressed, you're probably not gonna sleep well. And there are so many knock on effects from not getting a good night's sleep. So the knock on effects can be, um. You know, you'll make poorer choices with food. Uh, you know, you are more irritable during the day. You, um, don't feel like exercising.
You know, you don't feel like getting out and walking and all of those things because we are in this stressed state and, um, then you are not sleeping. They can also say that your sleep come, your stress comes out in your dreams. If you kind of have [00:16:00] crazy dreams or you know, it's a really restless night or any of those things, that's obviously a sign that your brain is.
Just got too much going on in it and it really needs to sort out. I definitely find when I am feeling a bit like, um, the other night I was feeling, uh, frustrated at just. Some things at home and I sat and I journaled before I went to bed because I thought, I need to get this out of my head. I don't, um, it's no one's fault.
I was just feeling quite frustrated and I thought, I just need to get out. And you know what? I wrote it out and I went to sleep and I woke up in the morning and I felt I felt so much better. And I was just so glad that I had that kind of tool there to get it out of my bread because I didn't wanna wake up, um, and start my day, you know, still feeling frustrated from what I'd felt the day before.
Um, where if you, um, find that you are really edgy and irritable all the time and things make you angry or frustrated or you know, like that really quick, that is a sign that you're stressed. If you [00:17:00] find like you might be, um, things that you probably normally wouldn't bother you or you didn't think bother you, and you sometimes, you know.
Uh, you know, I might catch myself maybe telling the kids off or something and I'm like, Hey, Renee, this is not normal. You know, ca you know, so that is a sign. You know that you are stressed and you know, where again, we just need to really calm our mind. Um, other signs is if your head is throbbing. So again, that.
Carrying too much stress, obviously me tenses in our muscles and it com radiate and tear. And I know this is something that I suffer from. I know pretty much when I am feeling quite stressed, I can instantly get a, get a headache and that is my body telling me that maybe, um, I need to listen to it. And um, you know, so if you are having more headaches than what you normally would, then you know, that's a sign that you do need to look at your stress levels and, um.
Become aware of it and learn and learn to manage it. If you find that making like [00:18:00] decisions, that would probably normally be quite a simple decision, but maybe you're overanalyzing it, maybe you're over and you're making it really harder than what it should be. Again, that's a, that is a sign that you are in this stress state and, um, you know, we are living this way and maybe it's something to become aware of.
Other ways that stress can show on your body, show on your body is you might see that you're losing your hair. Uh, you might break out in hives or any of those things. Um, you might find that make something, you make you create a mountain out of a molecule. You might create a problem in a happy, something that is happy and you, that's just, again, that's you living in this stress state and we try to, um.
To, you know, you, you're short with somebody. And then, um, you know, we, we take it out on them. And when we are stressed, we can take it out on the people close to us. Um, I know lots of people, when they feel stressed, they tend to feel like they need [00:19:00] alcohol to calm them down or to feel calm. And I really urge you to think about those choices because you know, alcohol is actually a depressant.
So it sometimes leads you into, um, instead of giving the high, you'll get that high, but then you'll. Come crashing down and the problem's still gonna be there, so you're only masking it. And, uh, people think by drinking or doing things, maybe more risky, things that they wouldn't normally do, that's gonna take away their stress.
Well, like getting to recognizing the problem and getting to the bottom of it is probably the best option for, for realizing your stress and alcohol is, um, you know, not the best stress reliever. Um, because it can end up making you feel, it can end up making you feel worse. And that's not what we want. We wanna really, really feel good about ourselves.
Um, and you know, sometimes you'll notice when you are really stressed, you might notice that you get sick easily or [00:20:00] you can't kind of get rid of things, um, you know, colds or any of those things because you are in that kind of stress state. So. I wonder if anybody recognizes that they have any of this, if any of these things are happening to them.
If they've realized like, I didn't think I was stressed, but maybe I am. But maybe over the next week you can start to be aware of how stress does affect you and if you are in a more stressed state than what you think. Awareness is the key. So when you can become aware of what's going on or how you're feeling, you can then do something about it.
And so the first step is recognizing it, recognizing that you might be stressed. And for me, when I felt really stressed towards last year, I remember being like. I was shocked because I thought I was on top of it. I thought I was really on top of it, but I wasn't. And I thinking as a busy female, as a busy mom, we, we do sometimes get [00:21:00] caught into life and put ourselves last.
And for me, I'm always like, I'll be all right. But then it gets to a point where I'm not right anymore. And, um, I really do need to, you need to start to put yourself first. So it's recognizing those types of things. And I had to, I remember thinking at the, so for me when I feel really stressed, the beach is my happy place.
So the beach is my happy place and it makes me feel really good. And when last year I was like, I can't, you know, I've gotta go from this place to back home and, and then do this work and then go pick up school and then come back and then, you know, and I was like, you know, I can't make it to the beach because I just can't fit it in.
And then I went, no, I have to fit it. I walk in on the beach. And then I made it a priority and I made it work. And just having that time to, um, you know, have the sand in my toes, I walk on the beach, uh, you know, the water in my feet and to really spend that half an hour, I then was so, you know, I was so much more productive for the rest of the afternoon because I'd had that bit of [00:22:00] time out and, um, it really helped me start to manage my stress and it's something I still do now.
And, um, so I think work want you to think about. And it's good to brainstorm it when we are not in a stressed state. Uh, when, uh, brainstorm some of the things that maybe really work for you. Mine was going to the beach and like I said, I love guided meditation and it's taken me a very long time to, um, like them and to realize how good they are for you.
And so if you are somebody that's not quite there yet, don't worry. Um, but I would, um, I never thought I would be a meditator, but I am. And I. Make it a priority now to make sure that I'm doing it. I try to do something every day. I could just listen to a guided meditation, and the more that I do it, the more that I can really feel that that relaxes me.
And my husband's quite a stressy person. And you know, I think the more that I've spent time working on myself and [00:23:00] uh, making sure that I'm managing my stress, the more I see, you know, sometimes I see him and I, I kind of chuckle to myself because he's. Making him out and out of a molehill or he's, I just can't go with this anymore.
I just can't do this. You know? And you're like, oh, you need to meditate. You need to learn to chill out. So, um, so yeah, so if it is something that you haven't done, it is not for everybody, but you've just gotta find what works for you. So. What I want you to think about today is somebody that is maybe more stressed than you realize is stress playing havoc on your life is stress.
Maybe the thing that is holding you back in, I, I've had people that their food is perfect, their food is perfect, their exercise is on point. They're getting their steps in, but they don't lose any weight. And the reason is sleep and stress. So, you know, um. Really think about is stress playing havoc on you?
And, and you know, if we're stressing about things, [00:24:00] but write it out and really look at what, what, what are the things that are, are really stressing you and what's in, what's in your control and what can you do about it? Because there is always something that you can do. You can, you know, and that's what I had to do.
I had to look and think. What can I do about these things? This is what I want in my life. I want it to be this way. Well, I'm stressing about something that I want in my life, so I've gotta let it go. You know, I've gotta let go of the stress because I'm, I'm choosing this and, and then being like, okay, I am.
Booking people too close together. I'm trying to fit 10 people into a time slot. I can only fit eight. You know, so make that change, say no, you know, uh, put, put yourself first on saying yes to this person. Yes to that person. But then in the end, I'm the one that ends up, uh, feeling stressed and run down. So, so really look at that and, and it's, you know, taking charge.
Say if it's. Fine. Let's say that you know, you, you've got, um, ask for extra help. We are all so proud. And then we don't ask for [00:25:00] help. But let's say, um, a girl was just saying yesterday, her husband's working away. She's got two little kids and she says, I've hired a nanny for two hours at nighttime. I'm not doing it anymore.
You know, I don't need that stress. And I was like, good on you. I remember another lady, she had twins and she just got help. She got help and she, she had someone in to do the washing. She had someone in to do, you know, and she got help because she, she wanted to be there and be present for her kids. And, you know, so look at the things that are in your control and what you can do about it.
'cause I guarantee you there's something that you can do about it and you can really make big changes. So have a little think about that and please, um, let me know if. You know, you've realized you're stressful, how you feel, let me know and I will be able to get back two years later on and we can chat all about it.
Alright, so I'm loving you and Levys now because, um, I've realized I've, uh, cut my time too long and now I need to get to [00:26:00] school. So I will, uh, speak to you all soon.